Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My second juice feast

On March 1st I started my second juice feast along with everyone else on the Global Juice Feast. Initially I was aiming for 30-60 days, but ended up breaking the feast on the 15th. Before I get on to that part, though, let me write about how the feast went overall. I wish I had been able to write here daily, as this feast it was especially rich in lessons learned and self knowledge. However, it was a complicated period where there was only time to take notes and catch up on writing about the first JF.

The first three days were extra hard and I wanted to “eat the world up” – a lot of false, emotional-related hunger. It was so difficult that I asked myself whether I should really be doing the JF, until I realized the cause behind all that hardship: I had started my feast right during my PMS! After that insight I stopped worrying, things started falling into place, and I began to feel quite good. Day eight (my birthday) was especially good.

Day nine was one of the worst days in relation to my mood – it was the peak of my PMS (I got my period the following day) and I was extremely irritable, especially with my son. Yet as everything is worthwhile growth-wise, it made me think about several aspects of my relationship with my child. He is three and is incredibly in sync with me – for good or for bad. For example, I never binge in front of him, but when I go through my binging phases he invariably will start binging too. During my fast he started eating extra vegetables and wanted carrots for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. It was really funny! On the other hand, like me, he almost completely stopped going to the bathroom and was having BMs only every three days or so.

This issue, in fact, could take an entire post in this blog. I am usually (and have always been) the kind of person that goes to the bathroom daily, or even more than once a day. Yet during both of my juice feasts I felt I was holding back and not eliminating the way I should. I almost never had BMs, not even diarrhea. When I felt like going I would find an excuse to wait and would end up not going at all. I bought cascara sagrada and only took it twice (although it didn’t really have an effect – it was mixed with other stuff as I didn’t find it alone) and kept procrastinating on the use of my newly-bought enema bag.

I then started looking around for colonics and found that they are not much more expensive than in Brazil. I decided to discuss it with my husband again and thought he wouldn’t even want to hear about it, but he was quite open and agreed that I do some sessions as soon as we are able to save some money for them. That was a big surprise, since for some reason he has always been against colonics (not even he can explain why). I was euphoric, but at the same time scared to death. Ever since I heard about colonics for the first time a year or so ago I have this intuition that it is something that will be extremely helpful for me psychologically and in the cure to my binge-eating syndrome. And at that point of my JF, the truth is I wanted someone to extract all of my pending emotional issues, i.e., I did not want to go to the bathroom and eliminate them myself! It was all about that old “magical wand” solution. So when my husband finally agreed to the colonics (my last resort and panacea I thought would only happen sometime in the distant future) I panicked. The feeling I had at that point in my fast was that some major issues were about to burst from my insides and I wasn’t too sure I wanted to know what they were yet!

What held me for a few more days (and generally throughout the feast) were thinking about my goals and telling myself what I wanted to do before ending the feast: overcome my PMS days, surpass my 20-day mark, start doing enemas, cleanse my liver and kidneys, buy a dehydrator, etc. On day 10 I actually did my first-ever enema, but (now I know!) I did it all wrong and felt no difference whatsoever. I also started skin brushing, which felt (feels) wonderful!

Day 11 was one of those blissful days that often happen on JFs, when several things click into place and all of the sudden start to seem obvious. This time it was related to my professional life, something I have wanted to improve/change for the last few years. More on that later…

Except for those first three days, I was not hungry on this JF and could have even done on less juice, but I did not want to lose anymore weight than I have. I am so skinny and bony! That was one of my JF fears until at some point I decided to let that go too. First because I knew I would gain back easily; second because I realized part of my fear was related to what people would think about my being so skinny when I always tended to be a little overweight (especially some relatives I will be seeing soon and whom I haven’t seen in four years); and finally because I felt I needed to shed my (false) “protection shield” between myself and the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, this JF once again did not end the way it should have, but I will leave that for the next post…

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